Asher is two years old today, and though I miss him terribly, he's better off being with someone who can take care of him properly.
Jake says you're in the hands of his brother, being brushed by a professional groomer on a regular basis. And though I don't actually believe that, I do hope that you're being well taken care of.
I haven't posted anything interesting in a while, so figured I'd post something from my past that I remembered for no apparent reason this morning...
1992 - I sold overpriced popcorn and drinks from behind a movie theater counter. This job normally would have sucked (and to be honest, did suck much of the time) if it wasn't for the awesome people I worked with. Something about this theater drew the misfits of society - the weird, the outcast, the freaks. Behind our corporate facade and ill-fitting polyester movie chain uniforms, we were all distinctly different, and that's how we liked it.
At some point, a clean-cut new guy shows up for his first day on the job. Not very long into his training, Doug reveals (many times) that he's a born-again Christian. Okay, not exactly the average employee, but that's fine, we're very accepting. I personally wonder how his interview went (with the obviously flaming gay manager), but there's cups to stock, so off to stocking.
In the beginning, he seemed to be a quiet normal kind of guy, until people start talking about how much he's discussing god/religion/the bible/the role of women/how most of us are going to hell/etc. while at work. It seems like pretty much everyone has a "Doug" story", except for me, and Jayson (one of the ushers). He hasn't said anything other than "hi" to either of us, while the rest of the staff is hearing long dissertations about the fall of Sodom. One look at Jayson reveals why Doug decided not to broach the "Jesus" conversation with him - black leather jacket covered with Danzig-related symbols, such as skulls, "666", upside-down crosses, etc.. Personally, I didn't think in comparison that I looked quite as, well, "evil", but looking back, my habit of wearing Celtic jewelery & crystals must have branded me as a witch in Doug's eyes.
More time goes by, and "Doug" stories" are now a source of humor for most of the staff. "Oh my god! Did you hear Doug quote Leviticus to me while I was stocking the candy?" - "That's nothing! He told me I was going to burn in Hell until the end of time for being an atheist - hilarious!". I was almost disappointed that he hadn't said anything to me. I was just waiting to shut him down with a lengthy rant on the legality of discussing religion and hate-speech in a workplace. In my head, I pictured how it would play out, how I would make him cry while being verbally lashed by my obviously superior intellect (I say that with a large dose of irony now, but back then, I probably believed it...).
A few weeks later, I had a rather anti-climatic "Doug" experience, when he approached me in the break room.
"Hey, I just finished reading a book that I think you might like. Want to borrow it?"
At this point, the only things Doug actually knew about me, was that I occasionally said "hi", that I sometimes burnt popcorn, and got annoyed whenever a customer asked what was in the "buttery topping". On the basis of that, I'm now in his book club?
I responded with a less than enthused "Uh, sure."
A week later, I have my head deep into cleaning a display case when Doug stops by on his way out.
"I left that book in your locker - just return it to me when you're done."
"Sure, whatever", and dove back into the cleaning solution fumes.
After my shift, I opened my locker, and instead of the expected Bible with sections highlighted to address my specific sins, I found "A Divine Revelation of Hell". I turned it over and read the back - basically a woman writes about how Jesus took her on a guided tour of Hell, and that it was 100% all real. I wondered if an anti-psychotic drug regimen would help her, shoved the book into my bag and headed out for late-night dinner with the rest of the staff.
Between servings of coffee & greasy appetizers, we passed the book around, randomly opening it and reading the offensive tidbits.
Gays and Lesbians being tortured in hell? Check! Unmarried couples burning in fiery pits? Check! Blaming women for their husband's affairs? Check! People in torment begging for forgiveness while Jesus ignores them? Check! Author assumes that she has a special relationship with Jesus and can interpret the bible as she feels fit? Check!
It was hard to open a random page and not find something that pissed me off.
The next day, Doug came up to me first thing, and asked me if I liked the book. I thrust the book into his chest, I told him that I distinctly did not enjoy the book, and that protheletizing and hate-speech was illegal at the workplace, and that he was never to speak to me on either of those topics again.
He looked like a confused sad puppy. "I just thought you'd like it."
People stared as I went into a tirade. "You don't actually know anything about me, so how would you know if I'd like this book or not? What was it that made you think I'd like this book?" He admitted that he really didn't have anything, and crestfallen, put the book in his locker and went back to work.
Now, if the story ended there, it would be an interesting story on religion in the workplace, perhaps something that could be filmed with a cheesy 70's soundtrack and shown to bored employees in the mandatory harassment meeting.
But the thing is, it doesn't end there. The story takes a turn that had I not been there to actually be a part of it, I wouldn't have believed it to be anything other than a TV sitcom scenario. It ends up, absolutely fucking perfect! (insert evil grin here)
So later that same day, I'm behind the counter reading during a slow point. Someone asks if I could grab more cups, so I leave my comic behind and head to the stockroom. As I walk away, I see out of the corner of my eye, Doug picking up my comic to look at it. I giggle to myself anticipating what is about to happen.
Ok, so the comic book that Doug just picked up - it's no Archie or Superman. There are no cute kids who solve a mystery, or a superhero who saves the day. It's the Vertigo title Hellblazer: Dangerous Habits. This comic is about the morally grey magic-using/abusing anti-hero John Constantine (and is the basis for the movie "Constantine"). This guy goes through life kicking the devil in the nuts and giving god the finger, all the time ending deeper into alcoholism and self-loathing.
The cover of this particular comic, is what I can only describe as the most stereotypically "evil" comic book art ever created. Every inch of the cover is jam-packed with demonic symbolism.
Guy with vampire teeth? Check! Old dead guy? Check! Hot chick who happens to be a demon? Check! Guy who is half black-eyed man, half moon-eyed skull? Check! Guy with "666" carved into his forehead? Check! Someone being attacked by a crown of thorns? Check! Guy with part of his brain missing puking up a tentacle? Check!
This book has it all. To someone like Doug, picking up this comic book would be akin to picking the Satanic Bible (personally autographed by Anton LaVay himself). I'm surprised he didn't start a book burning pyre right next to the hot dog cooker.
Armed with cups, I come back to the counter, and am approached by Doug, holding my comic book, with an absolutely horrified expression on his face.
"What - is - this?!?" He could barely contain his absolute revulsion, spitting the words out one by one.
"Oh that? It's a really good book. I think you'd like it - want to borrow it?"
He threw the book out of his hand as if it had burned him, and never talked to me again.
We're finally having nice weather that we can actually boast about - sun and 70. It's the first day that's been nice enough to have some windows open.
Despite the alluring call of the fresh air, my cranky cat Zero is curling up next to me. Aww, how sweet.
Everything is falling into place so perfectly! :)
I just paid my student loan down to $0.00 - yippee! Payment confirmation number "481172" says that I no longer owe the government for any classes that I probably slept through anyway...
Even in the face of financial ruin, it's nice to make some small progress.
In other news, it's snowing today. I never get excited about spring showing it's face. Spring is nothing but the eternal cock-tease around here. Once the snow melts and I'm not convinced that it won't snow again until it's near July...
Fellow local blogger Ironic1 invited me to join the Google ABC Meme. I, not having much to write about due to lack of sleep decided it would be amusing to comply.
"You know how Google suggests searches when you start to type in something in that little window based on your previous searches? Here's my challenge... Post your own Google ABCs based on the first thing that comes up with each letter. And I'll start. Let the humiliation begin!"Ok, here we go...
Bad: My computer fried 6 months ago.
Good: My company offers interest-free computer loans.
Bad: My loan is already maxed out.
Good: It was maxed out buying a really good system.
Bad: The really good system moved away with the ex 7 months ago.
Good: I bought a good & cheap laptop from an auction site.
Better: This is the first time I've actually owned a laptop.
Best: I'm totally going to buy a leopard-print laptop bag!
How did I not know about this? Why did no one tell me that a magazine dedicated to geeks existed? How could my life be complete without a monthly subscription to the something described as Slashdot + Maxim???
Given the vast array of my interests that are covered in this magazine, I seriously think the publishers of Geek have been stalking me.
I'll make it easy for them and order a subscription tomorrow...
We went to Arby's the other night for dinner - they no longer carry my favorite chocolate chip cookies!
Argh! My life is full of pain and anguish! Arby's - why has thou forsaken me??
We came home and the boyfriend made me excellent chocolate chip cookies!
Was I complaining about my life?? Fuck that! My life is awesome! :D
Some great stuff here, but it's probably best that I don't have time to go rant-mode on it right now...
100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms
"I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie."
When I was 16, I got my first car (my brother's old truck). It was a stick-shift, so my dad agreed to teach me how to drive a stick, like he did for my brother and sister. So out we went to the local high-school parking lot, and I got into the driver's seat, just like my brother and sister did years before me.
What followed, was perhaps the most frustrating two hours in my entire life...
My dad (which has never been the most patient of people) tried in vain to teach me how to handle a clutch.
"Just jam the clutch down, then let up, and jam the gas! It's not that hard!" He repeated it over and over again, just getting louder the more confused I got.
I got more and more frustrated as the truck lurched forward and stalled every single time. After an hour and a half, I was determined to get the process down. It's not that hard - I should be able to get this!
Then the Irondale basketball team got done with their game, and everyone in the parking lot pointed and laughed at my immobile car. That's it, I was done, and my dad was more than happy to crawl back into the driver's seat as well. A few days later, the truck was sold, and I had an automatic car, and never attempted to drive a stick again for almost two decades.
Yesterday, the boyfriend pulled over and said he'd give me another chance to learn how to drive a stick-shift. I got in the driver's seat and my heart immediately started racing just remembering the frustrating time I had at this task before. He explained the basics (I was so nervous I honestly don't remember how he explained it). I put the car into gear, and after a small shudder, the car started moving!
"AAAAAHHHH!!!! What do I do now?!?!?"
"Go into second."
There I was, driving down the side of the road at 30 mph grinning like a 16-year-old idiot learning to drive for the first time.
"Oh, and you might want to move onto the road as well..."
I can't say that my driving was flawless by any means, I did stall the car several times. I'll get it right eventually. Today we're having a lazy day. Bryan's playing Constantine, a game based on a movie based on a comic book that I like. I don't have the patience or hand-eye coordination to complete it on my own, but I'm more than happy watching him play. :)
