Crazy Days of Me

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Natalie, Queen of Scots

MS. OLLIE
Natalie, come right up!

Deliberately, Natalie rises from her desk and royally marches down the aisle to address the class. She carries with her a scroll that she begins to unravel. The class falls to an eerie silence as Natalie takes command of the room.

NATALIE
Declaration of war!

The students stare blankly forward. Natalie begins to read from her scroll.

NATALIE (CONT'D)
(reading)
During the Christmas holiday, a time meant for kindness and celebration, my kingdom fell victim to an unprovoked attack.

She looks back up to address the class.

NATALIE (CONT'D)
This is a call for service and I'm building an army. All those looking to enlist in my holy war against the ocean, please meet me at lunch - my table, as always, is near the East-wing exit. May God bless you all in these dark times.

Without hesitation, she rolls the scroll back up and sharply turns to the side to leave the class.



I've invested in the cute movie Natalie, Queen of Scots. Maybe you would like to as well.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I Know What You Blogged Last Summer

I was having a rather pleasant lunch with my mother, when she dropped this bomb "I know you write on your blog about me."

I admit it, actually threw me. I stuttered as I tried to quickly regain composure. "Uh, um... wha...? How did you know about my blog?"

How did she find it?? She couldn't have searched by my name (my name's not on here), and her Google-fu was not advanced enough to locate it using other means. No, one of my siblings must have spilled. I quickly analyzed my mother's comment and searched my mind to discover which one was to blame.
Okay people, damage control here - this is not a drill! I repeat, not a drill!

"Ok, I don't just write only about you. It's more of a online diary of things that are going on in my life." I tried to both defuse the situation, and assure her that not everything was just about her.

"I don't know what your particular issue with me is, but maybe someday you'll tell me."

I bit my tongue hard - my next comment was "I'm not the only person that has issues with you, I'm just the only person who needs to be medicated because of it."

Monday, June 22, 2009

Threads

If you want to sleep soundly tonight, without dreams of bombs or dead people, for the love of god, DO NOT watch this film! I watched it before bed and had endless dreams of war, death, and destruction. It is amazing, but also incredibly depressing as the outlook gets worse and worse...

Threads is a BBC-produced docu-drama about the after-effects of a nuclear explosion in the UK. Imagine living in a world where the cold war is still in effect, your relatives talk (or don't talk) about destruction of London during the second world war, nuclear fear is real. Now imagine in 1984, BBC viewers sitting down in their dens to watch a film that displays the horrifying events that could conceivably happen.
The movie is 25 years old, and still scared the shit out of me. Talk of USSR is outdated of course, but unrest in Iran is all too real at this moment.


Google Video
Wikipedia

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Kia Sucka-Palooza

I need to decide what to do with my currently inoperative car. Should I fix it and hope for a few more good years before driving it to it's death? Or should I float it out on Lake Superior and set it alight, putting it out of it's misery with a Viking funeral?*

My car that is sitting square in the middle of the "fix it/trash it" dilemma, and I have no idea what to do. Some of my friends say "fix it", others are on the "dump it" side. So do I throw good money after bad? Do I dump it and move on?
And if I do get rid of it, am I ready to be part of the "vehicle-less" populous? Would I feel like a giant leech anytime I get into someone else's car? And if I decide to dump my car, how exactly do I go about doing that?
There's a lot to think about, and I'd really appreciate anyone's advice!

First off, here's the situation:
I have a 2002 Kia Rio automatic with 69k miles and a salvage title. Sometime before I bought it (probably when it was wrecked), someone installed the wrong transmission (seriously, how the fuck do you install a wrong transmission?!?). Instead of using a transmission for the 2001/2002 Rio model (1.5), they used one from a 2003 Rio model (1.6).
Fast forward six years, and the "improvised" shift cable snaps loose, rendering the car inoperable. The Kia mechanic said he was amazed that it had worked that long, and said it would be $400 (parts & labor) to install a new shift cable and "maybe" get it working again. Yep, maybe.

Even if I do get it working again, it will need additional work (needs new front & rear brakes, as well as new tires). In theory, once that is all done, it might be a (somewhat) dependable car, as I had already thrown $700 into having it looked over and installing a new fuel injector & timing belt. However, I'm not sure what problems may arise from having the wrong transmission installed (other than having the shift cable snap six years from now).

So at what point do I say "fuck it" and just give up on the car? I always figured that when the car died, it would truly be dead, as in a "you need a new engine" kind of way. My car currently is like some poor animal that is down to it's last days and suffering miserably. Do I bring it to the vet for the expensive cure, or ask them to give the permanent nighty-night shot?

So if I don't decide to fix it, then what? I could leave it in my front yard and let some dogs live under it, but I'm sure my neighbors have an opinion on that matter. Do I drag it to a junk yard? Do I try to sell it in on Craigslist - "Shitty Kia, $5.00 or best offer"? I've heard that car donations are sometimes accepted by charities - does anyone know of any local ones that would find a dead piece of crap useful?

And if I decide to ditch my crappy car, then what? I've saved up about a grand that I could throw into a cheap used car, but then I may find myself in the same situation, just a different color interior. Due to the financial fun of divorce, my credit is about negative 240 right now, so getting a loan for a nicer/more dependable car is not an option.

So do I just ditch the car and become free of vehicular burdens? I'm about 6 blocks away from any near bus stops. Walking downhill to get to one wouldn't be impossible, but my mouse-potato ways would recoil if forced to walk uphill 6 blocks. I carpool to work with my boyfriend, but using his car for everything would make me feel like a mooch/kept woman. Prior to the Kia sucka-palooza, he had expressed interest in selling his car, but now says he won't, even if I get mine fixed (he said something about a "rolling death-trap"...). So if I choose not to buy a car, then I end up feeling guilty for basically forcing him to keep his car.

In the end, I feel uncertain and super-whiney. I am privileged enough to have a job and transportation to get me safely there and back. I know in the grand scheme of things, my car isn't really that big of a deal, but nonetheless, I feel stuck and indecisive. Any input would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!!

* This is more of a metaphor really... I wouldn't actually shove my car into Lake Superior, as it would be horribly toxic for our water source.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Weening

My Big Book of Barry Ween arrived tonight. I was going to read "just one story" before being productive. Nice try - I was hooked from book flap to book flap.
Anyway, funny shit. There are worse ways to waste my night.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Storing Brains for the Winter

Yesterday, I found a dead squirrel in our front yard. He was lying under a tree, with a branch next to the prone body (as if he had been careless and trusted a weak branch to hold him, only to have it fling him to the ground.
I put "remove dead squirrel" on my mental to-do list.

Today, the still very dead squirrel had moved several feet across the yard. There is only one reasonable explanation for this happening: Zombie Squirrels!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Stuff...

I've been thinking about my empty/uninteresting blog lately. I haven't really had too much to say, but that's actually a good thing. My life has had a lot of interest in the past few years - it's nice to have things calm down back to normal. Not having much to write about is actually a positive thing for a change. So, instead of a long missive filled with complaints, I'm just going spill my current thoughts into this post - a random memory dump of useless knowledge. Think of it as a long-form Twitter (and no, I'm not joining Twitter - no one wants to hear me blurt "I'm eating a muffin!").

I was just talking with a coworker about how frustrating my old job used to be. My current job can be aggravating at times, but it's no where near as soul-crushing as my prior company. Also, an added benefit: my current workplace actually exists and is stable, which is more than I can say about my old company...
I ponder going back to school to finish my degree, but I still haven't decided what I want to do when I grow up.
My name-change is now legal - what a pain in the ass changing it has been. If I ever decide to get married again (which I'm not), I'm keeping my name. My mother called me and asked me what my name was. I thought it was a bit funny to not have your own mother know your name, a bit like having your parents move and not tell you where they live. Heh... yea...
I saw the movie "Coraline". Other Mother was a bit too familiar to me - I'm glad to be out of that situation.
I still have my cranky old Zero cat, who "tolerates" the much larger huskies that run around her. Solomon the brown-eyed is calmer and likes to watch the world. Pasha the blue-eyed isn't content to just watch, and must experience everything directly.
My Khajiit just entered the Shivering Isles - I could spend 20 hours a day playing that game, but I have too many other things to be working on.
I now know that my intermittent insomnia was caused by reading in bed before falling asleep. On the plus side, I don't have giant piles of books next to my bed and instead have meaningful conversation before falling right to sleep. On the negative side, I'm much less literate - no longer devouring a book a week.
I haven't heard anything from Jake or his girlfriend in months. The "legal-sounding" messages sent to me were unintentionally hilarious, but I'm happy to no longer receive passive-aggressive spam & newsletters from the west coast.
The weather is warming up outside - I think we should pull the grill out at work and have a BBQ day.
I just knocked my can of Coke Zero over, and caught it before anything spilled out - sweeet. I feel as if I've actually accomplished something today...
The prior was meant to be self-effacing.
Geek Prom was last weekend, the second year in a row Bryan has been a finalist for Geek Prom King. I never realized how nice it is to have someone who participates in my geekiness, rather than tolerate it.
Sir, your computer is acting like shit because you don't reboot it. Despite your assertions that you do it nightly, your computer tells me otherwise (89+ days uptime).
Grandmother, your computer is acting like shit because you click on every popup you see and install crappy malware. You say that you don't, but your "Sent from Incredimail!" email footer tells me otherwise.
I read Laika, and was sad. I knew how it would end, but I read it anyway. I'm still glad that I read it.
My sister was recently diagnosed with Celiac's disease. I feel selfish saying that I'm glad that someone in my family has a chronic medical problem, and for once it isn't me.
Note to self: make sure am caffeinated enough to know the difference between the swear words I'm thinking in my head, and the swear words I speak. It can make a big difference to the idiot I'm talking to.
Given the amazing sex I had last night, I was amused to find my captcha words to be "climax received" this morning.
I teared up a bit when Laura Roslin died and Kara Thrace disappeared.
I'm going to see Joss Whedon on Thursday night, and it's going to be fucking awesome!

Maybe I'll post more later, maybe I won't.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

XY, XX

Anyone else see the irony in this news story? Anyone?... Bueller?... Bueller?

Pope decries discrimination based on genetics

You're a guy wearing a dress and a silly hat, in a position that does not allow women (who is in charge of even more positions that do not allow women), and you have the testicular fortitude to decry genetic discrimination?!?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Can't Buy Me Love

When I was young, my days and nights were filled with the soundtrack of my parents arguing. It was almost a daily occurrence - nothing really to even look up and take note of. They could manage to find an argument in any subject, but most often, they argued about money.
I thought it was such a sad statement about their relationship - that financial issues were the biggest thing on their minds, and had the biggest impact on their relationship. I watched them through endless sessions of checkbook balancing and bill paying. "How sad to have a marriage reduced to only caring about money. When I am married, I'll never argue about money." I vowed I would never let anything as important as a marriage be ruined by something as petty as money issues. Despite my promise, I found myself following their footsteps, frustrated and arguing about unpaid bills and empty accounts.


As outlined in our divorce agreement, Jake has been slowly paying me back all the money he owes me. This last month however, he has paid several thousand dollars to me (almost half of the total he owed me). Now, I know this recent payment isn't his money. Our divorce paperwork required his pay stubs and monthly expenses - I know exactly how much he can and can't afford to give me. I'm guessing the money is coming from his current girlfriend. Part of me is tempted to warn her about the dangers of getting tangled in Jake's finances. Maybe give her the warning I never had.

Jake excels at looking like he knows what he's doing. I had been with him for almost a decade, and only realized the extent of his issues in the last part of our marriage (after buying the house). For many years, Jake made it seem that any problems he had were a rare occurrence (and were most certainly not his fault). I smack myself in the forehead (hard) when I look back at the many hints and clues I had from when we started dating. No, it's not normal to spend your sixth date paying his rent (derrr!). It shouldn't have required a crystal ball to let me know that financial strife was in our future...

As time went on, most of Jake's money washed away from him with account fees and purchases. Meanwhile, I was left with an empty joint checking account wondering where the hell it all went. Frustration and arguments appeared on a more frequent basis. My own lack of financial skills allowed this continue for years, only being discovered once I closely examined all of our accounts.

To cover his own financial missteps, Jake tried to borrow money from many of our friends, telling them tragic tales of how I had spent all of our bill money, or bounced a series of checks (on a side note, if there's anyone that Jake still owes money to, let me know and I'll settle it). I'm sure his new girlfriend has heard this story too. Maybe it's what compelled her to loan him so much money. I'd worry that he was taking her for the same ride I was taken on, but I think she's had enough warning. She's known him longer than I have, and I'm sure has been the recipient of the "She spent all of our money!" tale before. She's better prepared than I was for the pain that will undoubtedly follow.


In the meantime, I'm starting over again. I'm more in control of my money situation, and am trying to crawl back up from the financial (and emotional) mistakes of my past. All money problems aside, even if Jake had a perfect credit score, we'd still have many issues. We might not have fought over money, but there were plenty of other things. I'm sure we would have ended up in the same place, it just would have taken a longer time to get there.

How lucky I am to have a do-over - a second chance to get things right! :)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The House.

Many people have asked me in the last few months/years, "Uh, so yea, what happened to the house?"


When Jake and I decided to separate, he was already packing for a move to the West coast in less a month. I was the first to ask the $95 thousand dollar question: "Uh, so what are we going to do with the house?"

I went to my bank and sat across from the very nice man who originally gave me the mortgage, getting various options for how to deal with the house that had been dumped on my lap. He looked at me with sad eyes, nervously wringing his hands. He said that he felt really bad about the situation, that it was too bad that I couldn't go back and choose not to buy the house. I laughed and told him that I had learned a lot of life lessons in the previous year, and if I could go back and change things, buying the house wouldn't be the only thing I would have changed.

The options were few, and none were a pleasant solution.

  • Option 1: Let Jake keep the house
    As Jake packed his books, he made it very clear that he was planning a new life on the West coast, and had no intentions of maintaining any connections here. He was leaving, and did not want to be stuck with the house.

  • Option 2: Keep the house and live in it
    There were a few things I learned in my time of living in the Wicklow house. I had made a rather poor decision in buying a house that had a slowly dying roof and structural issues. I also learned that I was significantly lacking the knowledge/resources/energy/time to maintain a house in that condition, let alone repair it. I too was starting a new life and did not want the weight of the old one dragging behind me.

  • Option 3: Rent the house
    Renting was a legal impossibility and not considered. In order for the house to be rented, it would have to be significantly improved to meet rental code, along with added financial permits and inspections. Even if I was able to jump those hurdles on my own, our city passed a rental ordinance banning any new rental property within 300 feet of an existing rental property. Both of the houses next door were licensed as rental properties - no matter how creative with a tape measure I got, I could only claim that I was 15 feet from the nearest rental.

  • Option 4: Sell the house
    An ideal situation would be to quickly sell the house for the total amount of the remaining mortgage, allowing both of us to move on. However, in the current housing market, a quick sale of any home would be doubtful, let alone a house that needed extensive work. Selling it in the condition it was in for the amount we needed was an impossibility. That particular (not so great) neighborhood had about 20 houses with dusty "For Sale" signs that had prices lower than the Wicklow house.

  • Option 5: Give up on the house (foreclosure)
    Both of us considered foreclosure as a last chance, but it always hovered off in the horizon as possibility.
Jake made it clear that he was moving and would not be able to assist in improvement, or provide significant financial assistance. He was effectively abandoning the house to me. In a normal divorce, receiving the house is a large asset to be fought for. In this divorce, it was the burden that all tried to avoid. Both of us wanted the whole situation to be resolved as quickly as possible.

If both of us had to face a foreclosure, we would not be affected evenly. I had been working on getting my credit rating back after a time of my financial mismanagement. My rating was fairly high, and I was able to obtain the mortgage using my credit rating alone, which was fortune, as Jake's credit rating was significantly worse.

To take a callous view of the situation, I knew that if Jake took the Wicklow house into his possession, then foreclosed on it, his credit rating would probably not get much worse that it was. I offered him a simple business deal: if he were to take ownership of the house, I would forgive the several thousand dollars that he owed me. Our financial ties would be cut - I wouldn't have to worry about the house, and he wouldn't have to spend years paying me back. He said he would rather pay me back the money he owed me, and force both of us to face the effects of a foreclosure.

So we decided to go with option 4 - sell the house. I went in with a realtor, came up with a plan for the quickest/easiest/cheapest improvements that I could make in order to have a chance of the house selling. With a minuscule budget and a hap-hazard plan, I bought some some paint and put on my work gloves. Bryan and other friends helped get the house looking somewhat nice, and I honestly began to think I had a chance of selling it for what it was worth.

Then came winter.

The heat in the Wicklow house was set just warm enough to keep the pipes from freezing, and I was trying to make the fuel oil last until payday. Unfortunately, the local weather had a different idea and hit us with a long cold spell. When I got down to the house to check on the fuel, I found an empty tank, a cold house, and frozen water pipes. I turned off the water main and went home, emailed Jake to let him know the situation, and tried to figure out my next move.

A few days later, I get an email back from Jake saying that he sent his brothers down to the house to turn the water main back on, and everything should be fine.

Um... you did what?!?


Yes, leaving the water running to keep the pipes from freezing is a good thing, but letting water run through possibly damaged pipes is a very, very bad thing.

So I'm trying to come up with some analogy where the preventative medicine is the worst possible treatment. The only thing I was able to come up with was telling a patient to exercise to improve their heart, then telling them to jump on a treadmill when they're having a heart attack. If you can think of anything else, feel free to add a comment!

Anyway, putting away the analogies and back into real life...

After I get the email from Jake telling me everything would be ok, I grabbed my house keys and tentatively opened the front door. As soon as I opened the door, I gave up on the idea of selling Wicklow house.

When I walked in, I found that water had been flowing through broken pipes for two days, and had caused massive destruction on every level of the house. The ceilings were disintegrating and falling down, the walls buckled with ice and water, the floors were covered in standing water - the house was beyond any repair that I could possibly make.







The frosty front door


Ice hiding behind the new paint


Brown "fluids" leaking from the waste stack


A river of ice across the live electrical panel


A volcano of ice flooding from the toilet

I grabbed the construction supplies, closed the door on Wicklow house for the last time, and prepared for option #5: foreclosure.